Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Kipper Looks For Promotion Of His Own

Fake Press

Calgary, Alberta, Canada (FP) -
In a quick response to Garth Snow's appointment as General Manager of the New York Islanders, Calgary Flames goalkeeper, Miikka Kiprusoff has come out with a statement in regards to his own intentions for the near future.

In an afternoon press conference at the Saddledome, a Flames spokesperson read aloud Kiprusoff's statement, "Now that I know that NHL goaltenders can move quickly up the ladder in the world, I am moving towards Commissioner of the league, while continuing play towards a Stanley Cup with the Flames.

I believe that if Garth Snow gets a position like manager, my relative skill and domination should make me Commissioner of the league. I am the best goalie in the league, just look at my Vezina trophy and how it shines with my name on it. Where is Snow's name on that trophy?"

It was made quite clear that the Finnish goaltender, who had sent his statement from his home in his native Finland, was feeling quite arrogant, yet characteristically focussed on achieving this goal of restoring some of the tradition and respect in the league.

"I believe the league should return to it's heritage," the spokesperson continued to read, "Gary Bettman has made the NHL a joke compared to other American sports and the summer off because of fighting with players made my skills poor and sad. I want to play all the time in a league that thrives on it's own respect.

"I will continue to play for the Flames, even if I get job as Commissioner. I can bring a lot of good to the game in both job and think of all the chicks I'd get."

Commissioner Gary Bettman was not available for comment when we reached his office.

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