Jovanovski To Play In Olympics
Fake Press
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada (FP) - Canucks star defenseman, Ed Jovanovski, has flown back to the team's medical staff in Vancouver to have what is believed to be abdominal surgery.
Canucks insiders have leaked that he is actually going to the University of British Columbia to undergo a controversial procedure that has been long said that it is "too Hollywood" to actually be done.
In an effort to get re-solidify the blueline without any major deals and to ease the pressure on Wayne Gretzky and the Olympic committee, the 29-year-old rearguard will be assessed by the University's Bionic Science department to fit his body with special mechanical body parts that will allow him to be bigger, faster & stronger at the low cost of nothing, due to subsidies from the Hockey Canada program.
Jovanovski, a Windsor, Ontario native, has only played one full 82-game season with the Canucks in 2001-2002, which was also the Olympic year he had won gold. Canucks first-year GM, Dave Nonis, scoffed at the idea of a bionic defenseman, but also added if that was ever going to be the case, he'd hate to re-negotiate his contract.
Doctors and professors at the University will not comment on to whether the department exists, but are less tight-lipped about Jovanovski's visit to the University Campus, citing that they do have more than adequate medical specialists to create Jovocop.
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Ed Jovanovski
Vancouver Canucks
NHL
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada (FP) - Canucks star defenseman, Ed Jovanovski, has flown back to the team's medical staff in Vancouver to have what is believed to be abdominal surgery.
Canucks insiders have leaked that he is actually going to the University of British Columbia to undergo a controversial procedure that has been long said that it is "too Hollywood" to actually be done.
In an effort to get re-solidify the blueline without any major deals and to ease the pressure on Wayne Gretzky and the Olympic committee, the 29-year-old rearguard will be assessed by the University's Bionic Science department to fit his body with special mechanical body parts that will allow him to be bigger, faster & stronger at the low cost of nothing, due to subsidies from the Hockey Canada program.
Jovanovski, a Windsor, Ontario native, has only played one full 82-game season with the Canucks in 2001-2002, which was also the Olympic year he had won gold. Canucks first-year GM, Dave Nonis, scoffed at the idea of a bionic defenseman, but also added if that was ever going to be the case, he'd hate to re-negotiate his contract.
Doctors and professors at the University will not comment on to whether the department exists, but are less tight-lipped about Jovanovski's visit to the University Campus, citing that they do have more than adequate medical specialists to create Jovocop.
Technorati Tags
Ed Jovanovski
Vancouver Canucks
NHL
posted by opiatedsherpa at Tuesday, January 31, 2006
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